Understanding what sleep problems are

You might experience some of the following:

• Fear of falling asleep and having nightmares
• Nightmares: more than just bad dreams; they can make you feel like you’re re-experiencing traumatic events
• Feeling tired due to poor sleep
• Insomnia: being unable to sleep
• Waking up throughout the night

Understanding how it affects us

Sleep problems can significantly affect problems our wellbeing. You might feel:

• tired all the time
• grumpy and irritable
• cold
• anxious and less able to think flexibly
• stressed about being unable to get to sleep at night or worried about having nightmares
• mentally exhausted from constantly thinking about your trauma or worries
• A lack of sleep leaves us demotivated

Understanding what it needs

 If you’re having problems with sleep, there are many things you can do to help. Firstly, Jo Cullen (2025) explains “we can all sleep well and need to believe this. If we believe something it will work. We can train our brain to sleep better”.  Below you will find evidence-based guidance from a range of sources, including my own observations from working with many clients over the years who struggle with sleep, which I hope you will find helpful. In my own counselling practice, when a client is struggling with anxiety, depression or negative thinking, they are nearly always not getting the sleep they need. This has sometimes created their problem, and always exacerbates it:

1. Before going to bed

In the day: Try and engage in some natural exercise outdoors. Getting outside creates Serotonin. Get up at the same time every day 7 days a week. Teens need 8-10 hrs sleep every night (we grow when we lie down).  Adults need 7-9 hrs.

Externalisation: At the end of the day, at least 2 hours before bedtime, process any events that are troubling you – write them down or speak out loud. Once we speak a feeling it affects us less. We might not fully ‘deal’ with it, but externalising is crucial, so we can ‘let it go’ for now

Keep your bed for sleeping: By keeping your bed for sleeping your mind will associate your bed with sleep and you will feel sleepy when you lie on it. Do this by avoiding watching television, eating or reading in bed during the day.

Create the ideal sleeping space; Try to make sure that you’ll be comfortable at night so sleeping is easier. You can do this by:

• Making sure your bedroom is the right temperature. Consider having blankets or a hot water bottle if you get cold during the night or keeping the room cool if you get too hot.
• Making your room as dark as possible if light bothers you. Try using a sleeping mask.
• If you’re disrupted by noise, trying earplugs.
• Taking a glass of water to bed in case you get thirsty.
• If you get anxious in the night, having something comforting near you, like a teddy bear or photo of a loved one.

Go to bed when you’re tired; Try to only go to bed when you’re tired to avoid lying on your bed awake for hours. Try to avoid napping during the day and try regular exercise to ensure you’ll be tired at the end of the day.

Establish a regular sleep cycle; If possible, try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day, preferably early and by 11pm. Th hours before 12pm are more beneficial, following our Circadian Rhythm. Avoid naps.  This way your body can set a regular sleep pattern, which means you should feel sleepy as it approaches your bedtime.

Have a good routine before bedtime; Making sure everything is ready for the morning is helpful. Do all the things that need doing, like taking a hot bath or a hot drink (decaffeinated), and then allow yourself 30 minutes to really relax.

Relax before sleep; Winding down before bed can help to prepare us for sleep. For example:

• Avoid looking at screens; instead try reading,
• Not eat for at least a couple of hours before bed and especially avoid sugar and rich food.
• Try mindfulness, deep breathing exercises, yoga or meditation before bed.
• Make sure any worries stay out of your bed…this is your “No Worry Zone” Only Happy thoughts come in here!!!

2. Going to sleep

Breathing: Learn how to notice your breathing when you are trying to sleep. The in-breathe gives us energy and the out-breathe triggers relaxation. Exhaling Co2 is calming. Focus on learning how to spend more time on breathing out (use 4:6, or 7:11) This prioritises the parasympathetic nervous system(calm) over the sympathetic nervous system (energy). For adults only, 4:7:8 breathing sends over 80% of people to sleep quite quickly. When we hold our breathe, we slow down our heart rate (do this for NO LONGER than 1 ½ minutes.  

Relax your mind: Try to switch off your mind and ignore thoughts of things you have to do. Leave any worries outside of your bed – make bed your “Happy Place”. Keep a notebook and pen by your bedside so that if a worry enters your head you can write it down. This gets it out of your head and means you’ve got a note of it so you can come back to it in the morning.

Listen: Listening to something can help us relax. Try listening to calming music or nature noises. You could also try listening to an audio book but better to avoid anything too exciting. A story you already know might be good.

Visualise: Visualisation can also help keep us relaxed. Think of yourself in a relaxing place like lying on a deserted beach listening to the waves or in a sunny meadow listening to birds. Or imagine a situation that is happy for you, like “If I was on a an island, what 4 people would I invite and why?”

Thought exercises:  Repetitive thought exercises can help send you to sleep. If counting sheep doesn’t work, imagine drawing a big circle on a white board. Write 99 in the circle then carefully rub it out without damaging the circle. Now write 98 before rubbing it out again. Repeat until you fall asleep.

3. When you can’t sleep

It can be frustrating when we can’t fall asleep. Try not to get annoyed at yourself.  Instead, get up and do something else for 20 minutes. Try another relaxation technique or read. If you’re struggling with negative thoughts, try to think of something positive as soon as they enter your head. Listening to an audio book could also help focus your thoughts on something more positive.

4. Waking up during the night

This is normal. Avoid ‘wake up’ thinking and accept quiet wakefulness. After 30 mins if still awake after 30 minutes, get up and do a simple, tedious task and go back to bed when sleepy. Quiet wakefulness can give similar benefits to sleep

References

• “How to sleep well and why it matters May 2025 Jo Cullen www.flourishing.org.uk”
• “Sleep Hygiene” accessed 11/07/25 . http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/
• Sleep Insomnia Self Help | Get.gg – Getselfhelp.co.uk