How to practice self compassion

Finding ways to help us overcome the struggles we have in life can be very daunting. Adopting a habit of showing self-compassion towards ourselves is a really good place to start. Carry on reading to find out more about how to do this

Self-compassion means showing kindness to yourself, and accepting yourself for who you are, ”warts and all!” as my wise and lovely Dad used to say.

Self-compassion does not mean assuming we are right about everything and giving up on self-improvement. Instead, it means acknowledging that we all have vulnerabilities (weaknesses). We are all “works in progress.” Knowing this is okay. I am constantly practising self-compassion. I remind myself that, at 69 years of age, I haven’t mastered the bits I don’t like about myself “YET.” I first realized the importance of the word “YET” from a TEDx talk. Carol Dweck discussed it in her YouTube video “The power of yet.” It is also extremely significant for those of you who are Primary school teachers. I used to be a teacher too. It is significant for parents as well. Take a look as it is only 11 minutes long and really powerful https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-swZaKN2Ic

Self-compassionate people believe that they are basically good people, who mean well and are capable. They see mistakes as just that—a single mistake. People who are not self-compassionate are much harder on themselves, assuming the worst. They see mistakes as much bigger, like a personal failing.

Self-compassion means having a fair attitude toward yourself rather than a critical or judgmental attitude. It looks like this…

• “I have said the wrong thing. I’ll get it right next time.” vs. “I have said the wrong thing. I’m the worst!”
• “I made a mistake. I’m only human.” vs. “I made a mistake. I always mess up.”

Self-compassion means taking care of yourself rather than denying your needs or overindulging.

Even when life gets busy, it’s important to look out for your own health and happiness. Take care of your needs. This is not the same as over indulging. Think about a young child. You don’t ignore them when they’re hungry. You feed them, but not with something unhealthy like a bag of sweets for breakfast. You think about what’s best for them, and meet their needs appropriately.

Self-care routines include…

• Making sure you take time to relax.
• Eating a healthy meal when you’re hungry.
• Exercising regularly, but taking rest days as needed.
• Rewarding yourself with a treat when you meet a goal.

Self-compassion means accepting that struggles are part of being human. You are not the only one who is ‘imperfect’. Everyone has bad days, loses their temper, and makes mistakes. Sometimes, those mistakes are really big.

Recognizing that your struggles are normal gives you permission to feel self-compassion, despite any shortcomings.

The language of accepting struggle…

• “No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes.”
• “Everyone feels sad sometimes. This is normal.”
• “I’m not the first person to make this mistake.”

References

https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-article/how-to-practice-self-compassion by Sarah Winnig, MA accessed 10/12/24

The power of Yet Ted talk by Carol Dweck https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-swZaKN2Ic accessed 12/01/25

https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-practice-self-compassion/ 04/12/24