Working with grief with adults – thoughts from my ‘Psychotherapist’ viewpoint

The stages of Grief

I have found it can be very helpful for those who are grieving to be gently guided to an awareness that grief has stages. The Kubler-Ross model of grief describes 5 main stages, which may be experienced in any order. They are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It is important to do this without invalidating how they feel right now, as intense grief is a form of connection with the one that is lost, and for many, it can feel like letting of the intensity of that sadness is letting go of the loved one. The conversation needs to be had very sensitively and tentatively, so that they can go through the stages that they experience, as their own unique life journey will progress, without pressure.

Grief cannot be rushed, but it can be helped. I have seen time and time again how just allowing someone to share their pain, and accept it with love and kindness, without the need to move them on in that moment, can be enormously therapeutic. Bereavement is so sad, and that is the truth. However, knowing there are stages gives hope that one day, they will be able to accept and live alongside their grief, and be able to experience times of happiness again. Life will never be the same, but it can become good again, in different ways that they cannot foresee in their present grieving state. Having someone who understands and can support them can aid this considerably.

‘Cruse Bereavement Care’ offers support, advice and information for those who might like to find out more: www.cruse.org.uk,  Email: helpline@cruse.org.uk,  Telephone national freephone helpline 0808 808 167.